Models & Zombies, Guns & Burt

I found this great picture on Blastr.

Very silly, but very true. The skin and bones look and the “high fashion” hunched poses that models do make them look exactly like the undead.

On another note, completely unrelated, I don’t know if Burt would survive the zombie outbreak. Mark likes to point this old, unloaded pellet gun at him and he goes nuts. Take a look:

If he does that with every gun, he’d give up our position or get into the fray during an attack. Not good.

Unfortunately, I’ve got a bit of writer’s block today. These were the things I wanted to talk about, but I find myself without words. I’ll try to revisit this later.

Published in: on January 5, 2011 at 8:03 am  Leave a Comment  
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Smaller Population, Fewer Idiots?

If the zombie apocalypse were to hit, who would you want to be “stuck with” in your militia of survivors? Who would be the most valuable, the least valuable?

I don’t care if he’s valuable or not. Burt is coming with me

How could anyone leave that behind?

Ideally, you’d want a mechanic, a doctor, a weapons specialist, a chef, and no old or sick people. Bear Grylls would be awesome to be with, too. However, who you get stuck with isn’t always up to you. I’d want to be stuck with Mark, obviously. He’s very practical and never fails to make me laugh. My brother Zach would be a good one, too, because he’s strong and he’s an incredible shot. He also makes me laugh. I think laughter would be an important part of survival. I’d be the chef, because I’m a really great cook, but depending on the survival of animals, I may need someone with a strong stomach to do the butchering. Another woman would be great so I wouldn’t be completely surrounded by testosterone.

And I do have to say… just because someone isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean I’d rather they be eaten by zombies. And you don’t have to defend yourself and say how you’d be useful. This is a hypothetical situation, so don’t get your panties in a bunch.

A horticulturalist would be good to have, so edible and inedible plants could be properly distinguished. A carpenter to build shelters. Lots of strong people to do digging, building, moving, etc. I could go on.

What do you think? Did I miss anyone that could be vital to survival? Who would you want to have with you?

Photo from: Me & my Macbook Pro

Blizzard of DEATH

Have you seen 30 Days of Night with Josh Hartnett? An Alaskan town is ripped apart and decimated by a group of vampires just as the state goes into the beginnings of that whole six months of darkness thing. This, combined with the harshness of winter, causes pretty much everyone to come to a tragic end. If I just spoiled that for you, go cry to someone who cares.

Mark and I discuss many aspects of zombie apocalypse possibilities. We talk about whether Burt is a vulnerable being, whether the house would be easily zombie-proofed (possibly) and whether we’d have enough food to survive (we would at least a few months… we have probably 80 cans of soup, among other things). One thing we’ve discussed is how climate would affect the zombie outbreak.

New England is in the midst of a Level-One Emergency Freak Out because we got a ton of snow and 60 mph winds all day yesterday and overnight. AND… it may continue today. Mark is working from home, which is great. It appears Burt hates the snow, this being his first real experience with it, and is using inside as his toilet because the snow is up to his belly and he can’t go. We forgot the driveway would be a good spot because it’s plowed. It’s okay, it’s not much of a break from the norm. He poops inside A LOT.

Anyway, how would this blizzard effect a zombie outbreak? People are stuck in one place and the roads are treacherous, so escape is a very dangerous option. This makes it seem as though a blizzard would be detrimental to survival. However, with such thick, heavy snow, it would make it difficult for the zombies to move around. And, if World War Z by Max Brooks is any indication, the zombies freeze once the temperatures reach a certain level. So, I suppose it would all depend on how the zombies move in snow.

What do you think? Would we be safe or screwed if the zombies came during a blizzard?

Review: Undead

It’s been snowing since last night here in Connecticut, and without having to go to work, I’m pretty much stuck in the house. In addition to obsessively applying to jobs, eating too much, having Burt look me in the eye when he poops, and watching him the beat the crap out of Madison…

*

(homies 4 life)

…I’ll be watching crappy free OnDemand movies. While perusing the menu, I came across Undead.

**

An Australian horror-comedy, Undead tells the story of a few survivors in a tiny fishing town after meteorites turn citizens into zombies. Visually, the film is kinda cool. Until the meteors hit, the town has a tan, desaturated look that really makes the everything look like a desert. After the meteors hit, everything goes blue like every other horror movie out there.

There are some interesting corpses, especially one in the beginning that has its top half blown off so there’s just a pair of legs with half a spine sticking out the top wobbling around. There’s of course lots of gunfire and blood spatters with even more flesh eating and screaming.

The background music reminded me of music from a bad 1990s computer game that someone made on a keyboard. The origin of the zombies, the meteors, is a good change from the norm… a virus or rabies or unknown. The acting wasn’t downright Showgirls awful, but it was by no means Oscar-worthy. I think they were parodies of regular characters you’d see in films like this, so the actors went slightly over the top.

Overall, it was pretty silly and had no problem making fun of itself. I’d only recommend it if you want to sit back and just watch the ridiculousness. It’s definitely a parody of both zombie films and horror films in general.

*Photo from: ME!

**Photo from: http://joblo.com

Published in: on December 14, 2010 at 8:25 am  Leave a Comment  
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Has Burt been bitten?

As Mark and I lay in bed one of the many mornings we have spent laying in bed, Burt spent his time sitting between us, vigorously licking one of Mark’s ears. He will sit there doing this for ten solid minutes if Mark lets him. He will then switch to the other ear, just to make sure he’s done a thorough job.

After the ears, he usually goes for Mark’s hands and arms. At this point, he gets bitey. He gnaws on our fingers, and I have the bruises on my arms to prove that he gets way too rough. He sometimes goes for Mark’s nose. Sometimes he tries to eat my hair.

With all of this licking and biting, it got us wondering: has Burt been bitten? He seems to be doing an awful lot of tasting. Could animals be turned into zombies? There are very few diseases that can go from dog to human or vice versa… would zombification be one of them? Or would it be like Black Sheep, where genetically modified sheep turn violent… only with dogs? Or Resident Evil-style Dobermans?

All I know is that Burt seems to be testing out the waters. He apparently finds Mark especially delicious, because Mark receives 80% of the licks and bites. We’ll have to keep you updated on any changes…

Blood-thirsty killer. Photo by me.

Published in: on December 11, 2010 at 8:07 am  Leave a Comment  
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