Juan of the Dead

Congratulations are in order for Cuba – they’re making their first ever zombie flick! With a $3 million budget and backing from a Spanish production company, Juan of the Dead will come out sometime next year. The movie chronicles the journey of a lazy guy named Juan who uses the zombie outbreak as a way to make money. Along with his partner, he promises to take out your zombified family in exchange for some cash. Initially, the Cuban government blames the outbreak on the CIA. It’s going to be your typical zombie movie, but with a lot of Cuban satire as well.

Here’s the CNN Article & Video

Awesome! It’s great to see other countries jumping on the zombie bandwagon. It looks like it’ll be a pretty cool film, with traditional lumbering zombies and not the kind that can somehow run quickly despite their decaying bodies. However, in one clip in the video above, they show a few zombies walking by a burned out car that are stumbling like they’re drunk. One guy is stepping forward and then back and then forward and then back… that doesn’t seem quite right. Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, I think it’s a really cool concept. It brings together all the elements of traditional zombie films, but it also has an originality to it. That the guys are using the outbreak to make money is a great idea. I hope Cuba’s first zombie movie turns out to be good. After reading the article, reading this blog, and watching the video… what do you think? Are you excited?

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Published in: on December 17, 2010 at 9:28 am  Leave a Comment  
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I’m Hungry

I’ve thought a lot about who I’d want to eat first if I were a zombie. I think the people who’d taste the best would be people who I can’t stand. Sarah Palin. Glenn Beck. Michael Vick. Anne Coulter. I would start with the toes and work my way up, letting them watch as I slowly gnawed on their appendages. But who first?

Today, I found who I wanted to chew to death first. We’ll call her Tuesday, for C U Next Tuesday. If you don’t know what that means, Google it.

On November 7, my house caught fire and most of it was completely unsalvageable. Art, books, childhood treasures, my laptop, furniture… all gone. One of the books was a fiction textbook I rented at the beginning of the year. For $35, I could use the book for the semester and return it in late December. Well, it’s mid-December and I can’t return the book because it’s gone.

I just graduated. I don’t make a lot of money at my part-time job, and finding a full-time job is proving IMPOSSIBLE. I work in a school system, so I’m about to have a three-week-long, unpaid hiatus for holiday break. Long story short, I’m broke as hell and can’t pay $80+ for a replacement book.

I called the bookstore several times. I left a voicemail. No one ever picked up the phone and my voicemail went unreturned for a week. Today, after handing in my thesis, I went to the bookstore to see if there was something they could do to help me. The exchange went as follows:

Me: Can I please speak to someone in charge?
Tuesday: Regarding?
Me: (I explain my house, inability to replace the book)
T: Sheila: You gave a credit card when you rented the book, it’ll be charged to that.
Me: That’s my debit card, and I can’t afford that right now. Can someone work with me on this?
T: We rented you the book on the condition that you would return it.
Me: My house burned down.
T: We’ll charge it to your card.
Me: I need help, I can’t pay that right now. My house burned down. You can’t help me out?
T: We’ll charge it to your card.
Me: That’s f***ed up.

I leave

I haven’t been so pissed in a LONG time. I wanted to jump across the counter and go for the jugular. What is wrong with this lady? The bolded text above made me angriest. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have rented the book if my house was going to catch fire. I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW MY HOUSE WAS GOING TO BURN DOWN!

I would love to knock her down, render her incapacitated, and go to town. If only I was a zombie and could’ve done that. If only she wasn’t such an old C U Next Tuesday. Forget Palin, Beck, Coulter, and Vick… someone will get them out of the way for me. This one is #1 if I ever go zombie.

Is there anyone you can think of that you would want to eat first if you were a zombie? Tell who and why in the comments!

Published in: on December 16, 2010 at 4:35 pm  Comments (2)  

Does Zombification Heal the Masses?

I’m terribly sorry for the lack of a post yesterday… circumstances I couldn’t control prevented me from writing.

So, I was thinking about zombies and diseases/handicaps lately. According to many movies and books, those who are paraplegic and are then zombified do not magically regain movement in their legs. An armless man does not grow a new arm. Those are physical issues that cannot be cured via zombification.

Other afflictions, like autism or Down’s syndrome would also probably not be cured. Despite the fact that the attributes that make humans human would be killed off, these things are in the brain, which according to most accounts, stays relatively active. So are zombies that had mental disorders in their human lives different from other zombies? Or do they become exactly like everyone else?

But what about cancer? Or HIV? Are the zombies still afflicted with these diseases? Likely not, as their bodies and their cells are dead, so the cells of the cancer and HIV were probably killed as well. Apparently, a leukemia patient in Berlin was cured of HIV with two separate stem cell transplants by the same donor, who had an HIV-resistant gene. Read the article here. So, introducing new cells can eliminate the disease. This is a huge breakthrough and a possible cure for HIV. Would eliminating the cells altogether also eliminate the disease? Is becoming a zombie another possible cure for the diseases that afflict the human race?

And if it didn’t, would having such a disease effect the way the zombie works? Would it be any different?

I’m by no means saying that being a zombie is better than being a human, HIV/cancer or not. However, it would be very interesting to be able to explore the qualities of zombie-ness in conjunction with disease.

I’m not really sure why I’m so interested, really. This is probably offensive and I just don’t realize it. I’m not a science-y person by any means, but this blog has brought on a lot of thought about zombies, about the human race, and about what’s wrong and right with the world as it is.

What do you think? Would becoming a zombie cure disease? Or am I just out of my mind?

Published in: on December 16, 2010 at 9:02 am  Leave a Comment  
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Unoriginality?

So, I suppose I should have done a little more research and been more creative with naming my blog. There is a “Zomblog” on ZombieTime.com and a book called Zomblog by T.W. Brown. However, this is THE ZomBlog, not just Zomblog… so I guess that’s okay?

I suppose I should have been much more inventive. Would it be awful to change the name of the blog? Probably. So I guess I’ll just try my best to be more original in the future and try not to let it get to me that there’s other ZomBlog stuff out there.

Anyway, at least now I have another book on my list… coming soon will be reviews of Pride and Prejudice with Zombies and the first few issues of The Walking Dead comic.

Also, I can be found on Twitter under @TheZomBlog. I’ll do my best to keep up with it, but I can tell you that having a Twitter hasn’t served much purpose in the past, and the future looks uncertain. Follow me!

Published in: on December 14, 2010 at 7:10 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Review: Undead

It’s been snowing since last night here in Connecticut, and without having to go to work, I’m pretty much stuck in the house. In addition to obsessively applying to jobs, eating too much, having Burt look me in the eye when he poops, and watching him the beat the crap out of Madison…

*

(homies 4 life)

…I’ll be watching crappy free OnDemand movies. While perusing the menu, I came across Undead.

**

An Australian horror-comedy, Undead tells the story of a few survivors in a tiny fishing town after meteorites turn citizens into zombies. Visually, the film is kinda cool. Until the meteors hit, the town has a tan, desaturated look that really makes the everything look like a desert. After the meteors hit, everything goes blue like every other horror movie out there.

There are some interesting corpses, especially one in the beginning that has its top half blown off so there’s just a pair of legs with half a spine sticking out the top wobbling around. There’s of course lots of gunfire and blood spatters with even more flesh eating and screaming.

The background music reminded me of music from a bad 1990s computer game that someone made on a keyboard. The origin of the zombies, the meteors, is a good change from the norm… a virus or rabies or unknown. The acting wasn’t downright Showgirls awful, but it was by no means Oscar-worthy. I think they were parodies of regular characters you’d see in films like this, so the actors went slightly over the top.

Overall, it was pretty silly and had no problem making fun of itself. I’d only recommend it if you want to sit back and just watch the ridiculousness. It’s definitely a parody of both zombie films and horror films in general.

*Photo from: ME!

**Photo from: http://joblo.com

Published in: on December 14, 2010 at 8:25 am  Leave a Comment  
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Zombies Verses

I’m really big into premium cable. We have HBO, so I’m able to watch Eastbound and Down, Boardwalk Empire, and True Blood. When it comes to Showtime, I have to get creative. I’m way behind on Weeds, but I think they jumped the shark after Nancy had a baby. Dexter is my true passion. I absolutely LOVE this show. Last night, the season finale was on. It was epic, of course, and I can’t wait for the next season.

Dexter and his incredible survival skills got me thinking… wouldn’t it be awesome if our favorite television shows went zombie? I’d love it if Dexter got to take out his urges on the undead. He’d be able to do it publicly and without shame, and I’m sure he’d be the best zombie killer to ever exist.

I bet Kenny Powers would be a great zombie fighter. Not only would the match up be hilarious, but I’m sure Kenny would get Stevie bitten and somehow still abuse him after death.

Who else would I like to see kick some zombie ass? I’m not sure. Maybe Walter from Breaking Bad. Pinkman would undoubtedly get bitten, but I think Walter would get really creative in his survival. I haven’t seen the most recent season, but since I’m marginally employed and graduated from college, I’ll have plenty of time for recreational activities.

I don’t watch a lot of shows on basic network channels, like CBS or ABC… there’s just not enough blood, swearing, or nudity in them. Plus, the majority of jokes are awful. So, I’m very limited in my choices for characters vs. zombies. What about you? Any ideas about who’d be great (or awful) at battling the undead?

Photo From: http://watchfreetvonline1.com

Review: 28 Days Later: Aftermath

On Saturday, I read 28 Days Later: Aftermath, the graphic novel by Steve Niles. It’s short, I went through it within a half hour. Essentially, the comic explains the true origins of the virus. It takes place between the films 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later. Perhaps because I am not a big comic reader, I was left a little disappointed. Everything happened so fast and without any real story arc.

The drawings are okay. Some of them look like somewhat quick sketches with rough, scribble-y lines, and those are the ones I really liked. They were appropriate for the content. There were others, though, that looked as though they were created on a computer, with an odd, shiny perfection that just doesn’t look right.

It was interesting and answered any questions about the origin there were, but it didn’t really add much in the way of a story. The characters came and went so quickly, there was no opportunity to learn anything about them.

Michael Alan Nelson, a name I don’t know, has apparently written three graphic novels about the 28 Days Later story, but they’re on pre-order on Borders, so I guess they haven’t come out yet. I’d be excited to see what they’re all about.

Basically, borrow this from the library or take some time and read it in the store… don’t waste the $18 on it unless you have an unexplainable need to possess it.

Photo from: http://borders.com

Published in: on December 11, 2010 at 5:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Has Burt been bitten?

As Mark and I lay in bed one of the many mornings we have spent laying in bed, Burt spent his time sitting between us, vigorously licking one of Mark’s ears. He will sit there doing this for ten solid minutes if Mark lets him. He will then switch to the other ear, just to make sure he’s done a thorough job.

After the ears, he usually goes for Mark’s hands and arms. At this point, he gets bitey. He gnaws on our fingers, and I have the bruises on my arms to prove that he gets way too rough. He sometimes goes for Mark’s nose. Sometimes he tries to eat my hair.

With all of this licking and biting, it got us wondering: has Burt been bitten? He seems to be doing an awful lot of tasting. Could animals be turned into zombies? There are very few diseases that can go from dog to human or vice versa… would zombification be one of them? Or would it be like Black Sheep, where genetically modified sheep turn violent… only with dogs? Or Resident Evil-style Dobermans?

All I know is that Burt seems to be testing out the waters. He apparently finds Mark especially delicious, because Mark receives 80% of the licks and bites. We’ll have to keep you updated on any changes…

Blood-thirsty killer. Photo by me.

Published in: on December 11, 2010 at 8:07 am  Leave a Comment  
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Foodology

I love food. Who doesn’t love food? Kate Moss, that’s who. The biggest problem in surviving a zombie apocalypse is not how to fend off the undead, but how to avoid dying of starvation. There are expiration dates on canned goods and, as we learned in Zombieland, there is an expiration date on Twinkies, too. Eventually, canned food would go bad or run out, and people would be left in a situation like The Road in which there is literally NO FOOD.

I shudder to think about that.

Unlike The Road, though, plant life would survive, so fruits and vegetables would likely still be a part of people’s diets. However, growing fruits and vegetables requires farming and farming requires staying in one spot. This could be a problem. And, unless you travel down South where it never gets cold, you’re looking at very long winters.

As for hunting and fishing, it all depends on what sort of zombies these are. If they’re the kind that leave animals alone and go solely for human flesh, you’re golden. However, if they’re the kind that will eat any living creature, you’re looking at the possible extinction of many animals that people could live on, like cows, chickens, deer, pigs, etc.

And would zombies try to eat fish? Would they tread through the waters of the rivers to grab some salmon? Their poor motor skills would probably make that impossible, but you never know.

I, for one, would miss a lot of foods were there to be a zombie apocalypse. Waffles. Sushi. Pizza. French bread. Butter. This:

Godly Goodness

Without electricity and the ability to harvest and refine wheat, there would be no bread. NO BREAD! I am a huge carb addict, and this thought terrifies me. Cookies? Gross, I won’t miss that crap. A giant baguette with butter? How could I ever live without it?! I am such a fat kid, it’s not even funny. But, in a zombie apocalypse, I would have to. We’d all have to.

So, what food would you miss the most after the end of the world?

 

Photo from: http://esa.org

Published in: on December 10, 2010 at 9:01 am  Comments (1)  
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What Dreams May Come

Holy crow, I had quite the nightmare last night. I have very vivid dreams nearly every night and I always remember them. Supposedly this is a sign of mental illness. Makes sense.

This older couple had a house that was invaded by zombies that came down through the chimney and they were all bloody and membrane-y like burn victims. They just kept coming out of the chimney and suddenly the house caught fire. Somehow the zombies never get out of the house and the fire never reaches the house next door.

Cut to the house after it’s been rebuilt. A family moves in: mom, dad, daughter, two sons, nanny. The zombies come in again and start killing everyone. For some reason, they have British accents despite being from the US. For a moment, Winona Ryder circa 1990 was playing the 7-year-old daughter. The entire family dies except for the slacker older son, who has a party in the attic. The zombies are still outside, fenced in the backyard and suddenly, they’re the Plants vs Zombies zombies. I proceed to defeat them using the exploding plants from the game.

I wake up to Mark shuffling around getting ready for work and Burt crying, whining and barking because 6:45 AM is the appropriate time to cry and mean Daddy won’t take him out to poop.

What the HELL was that? Maybe I’m thinking about zombies too much, or maybe I’m playing the game too much (I spent all of Sunday trying to beat it… I did). Maybe it was Mark’s brother Joe talking about his zombie dream over dinner. Whatever it was, that was freaky and strangely horror movie-esque in the way the plot went.

Have you had any freaky zombie dreams? Ever play a game so much that it creeps into your head and you’re playing it while sleeping?

Published in: on December 9, 2010 at 7:49 am  Leave a Comment  
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