Review: Zombie Strippers!

Last night, Mark, after a long day of working at home due to the blizzard, decided he wanted to watch a movie. Coincidentally, I wanted to watch one too. The difference was that he likely wanted to watch an Akira Kurosawa film (I’d promised if he watched The Notebook, I’d watch 3 Kurosawa films. I have yet to fulfill this promise), while I wanted to watch something quite different. Guess who won out?

A ridiculously over the top sci-fi/military/stripper/zombie/disease movie, Zombie Strippers features former porn star Jenna Jameson and cult legend Robert Englund. Just like Planet Terror, this film is not to be taken too seriously.

Boobs and blood are the main events in Zombie Strippers, which makes this movie far from safe for children or the faint of heart.

When a zombie virus wreaks havoc on a top-secret lab and an infected gets out and breaks into a strip club, it results in women with incredible stripping skills and the desire to do nothing but take their clothes off on stage and feast on human flesh. The movie is filled with cheesy one-liners and most of the acting is just plain terrible.

The women, especially Jenna Jameson, are gorgeous until they begin to decompose, and then they get just plain nasty. The patrons don’t seem to mind that rotting corpses are dancing for dollars. The overly straight and stiff special-ops military group comes in and cleans house, putting an end to the zombie stripper bloodbath. The soundtrack is all hard metal, which isn’t necessarily the greatest dancing music, but I guess it’s the norm for horror films. The make up is actually quite fantastic.

The end gets beyond not okay and beyond gross, with feats of impossibility that throw out the laws of physics and common sense. And there’s a little trick with a few ping pong balls that is just cringe-worthy.

Would I recommend it? Not really. It’s great for a laugh and a couple of boob shots, but I found myself a little weary with its awfulness about halfway through. This was the second time I’d seen it, too, so that could be part of the problem. Perhaps watching it for the first time has a novelty to it that pushes the viewer to watch it all the way through. I’d give it a glance, but don’t go expecting much. It’s pretty damn bad.

To quote Mark, “I think this is the worst movie I’ve ever seen.”

Published in: on December 27, 2010 at 7:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Review: Planet Terror

Sorry for the lack of posts these last few days. The holidays are always crazy. Though I try my best to participate as little as possible, I make my own presents and was thus chained to the kitchen for two days. I also started a part-time job in a deli that took time away from posting.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to discuss Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. You have to take this movie with a grain of salt. Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino, and Eli Roth are all friends and work together often. Thus, they have similar styles and senses of humor. This movie is not supposed to be serious. It’s comic book movie meets film noir meets B-rated horror movie in the sense that everything is terribly over the top.

The movie chronicles a zombie outbreak due to genetically engineered chemicals escaping a government lab. Bruce Willis and Tarantino play soldiers who need this chemical to survive after being exposed to it at some point. Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Fergie, and Josh Brolin all have parts in this very gory, overly dramatic film.

As long as you can get behind the fact that this is supposed to be ridiculous, it’s a pretty funny, enjoyable movie. There is a lot of blood and guts and Rose McGowan loses a leg, which is then replaced with a machine gun… because that makes all the sense in the world.

I found Freddy Rodriguez incredibly sexy in this film and I’m not sure why. I don’t know if it’s because he’s a good looking guy, because his character kicks ass and is very mysterious, or because I have a thing for guys with dark hair & eyes (sorry Mark).

Anyway, Rodriguez released this in conjunction with Death Proof, another B-type movie about women on a road trip in an awesome car being terrorized by a guy in an equally awesome car. Lots of action, indeed. He released them together as a double feature just as they were in the 1970s. The beginning credits and such have a really awesome vintage feel, with cheesy music, too-bright colors, and terrible quality, blurry lettering. I loved it.

Do I recommend Planet Terror? Yes, absolutely. It’s ridiculously bad on purpose and that makes it awesome. It’s got style, gore, a little T&A, and some big names.

Juan of the Dead

Congratulations are in order for Cuba – they’re making their first ever zombie flick! With a $3 million budget and backing from a Spanish production company, Juan of the Dead will come out sometime next year. The movie chronicles the journey of a lazy guy named Juan who uses the zombie outbreak as a way to make money. Along with his partner, he promises to take out your zombified family in exchange for some cash. Initially, the Cuban government blames the outbreak on the CIA. It’s going to be your typical zombie movie, but with a lot of Cuban satire as well.

Here’s the CNN Article & Video

Awesome! It’s great to see other countries jumping on the zombie bandwagon. It looks like it’ll be a pretty cool film, with traditional lumbering zombies and not the kind that can somehow run quickly despite their decaying bodies. However, in one clip in the video above, they show a few zombies walking by a burned out car that are stumbling like they’re drunk. One guy is stepping forward and then back and then forward and then back… that doesn’t seem quite right. Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, I think it’s a really cool concept. It brings together all the elements of traditional zombie films, but it also has an originality to it. That the guys are using the outbreak to make money is a great idea. I hope Cuba’s first zombie movie turns out to be good. After reading the article, reading this blog, and watching the video… what do you think? Are you excited?

Published in: on December 17, 2010 at 9:28 am  Leave a Comment  
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Review: Undead

It’s been snowing since last night here in Connecticut, and without having to go to work, I’m pretty much stuck in the house. In addition to obsessively applying to jobs, eating too much, having Burt look me in the eye when he poops, and watching him the beat the crap out of Madison…


(homies 4 life)

…I’ll be watching crappy free OnDemand movies. While perusing the menu, I came across Undead.


An Australian horror-comedy, Undead tells the story of a few survivors in a tiny fishing town after meteorites turn citizens into zombies. Visually, the film is kinda cool. Until the meteors hit, the town has a tan, desaturated look that really makes the everything look like a desert. After the meteors hit, everything goes blue like every other horror movie out there.

There are some interesting corpses, especially one in the beginning that has its top half blown off so there’s just a pair of legs with half a spine sticking out the top wobbling around. There’s of course lots of gunfire and blood spatters with even more flesh eating and screaming.

The background music reminded me of music from a bad 1990s computer game that someone made on a keyboard. The origin of the zombies, the meteors, is a good change from the norm… a virus or rabies or unknown. The acting wasn’t downright Showgirls awful, but it was by no means Oscar-worthy. I think they were parodies of regular characters you’d see in films like this, so the actors went slightly over the top.

Overall, it was pretty silly and had no problem making fun of itself. I’d only recommend it if you want to sit back and just watch the ridiculousness. It’s definitely a parody of both zombie films and horror films in general.

*Photo from: ME!

**Photo from:

Published in: on December 14, 2010 at 8:25 am  Leave a Comment  
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Review: Fido

So, Saturday night before we headed out to a friend’s birthday party, Mark and I watched Fido. Taking place in the 1950s after a zombie war, the film depicts a life in which zombies are used as pets and cheap labor. Timmy’s family gets a zombie, Fido, and Fido quickly becomes Timmy’s best friend. However, Timmy is put in a difficult position when Fido kills the neighbor and sets off a chain of events that lead to more citizens being zombified.

Billy Connolly did a great job as Fido, and it was difficult to tell it was actually him. Without his signature long hair and a face done in blue makeup, Mark didn’t even know it was Billy Connolly until I pointed it out. Carrie Ann Moss was wonderful as Helen, Timmy’s mother. The film was a great parody of 1950s Lassie movies and made me laugh at a few points. I was surprised at how clever the movie was.

Visually, Fido was fantastic. There wasn’t a whole lot of gore, but the zombie makeup was fantastic and the bright colors and 1950s outfits, cars, and props made the movie look cheerful. The contrast of the happy 1950s era style with the gross zombies really made the film pop.

The film also brought forth this question: Would you be comfortable living in a world populated with zombies, but the zombies wore collars to inhibit their craving for flesh? There is a corporation in charge of zombie maintenance, disposal, and policing. However, should the collar be taken off or broken, the zombie will try to eat you. For me, I think I’d rather have a dog. Despite many precautions being taken, I just don’t think I’d ever feel completely safe in a zombie-filled world.

So, would I recommend it? Totally. If you’re in the mood for a silly zombie movie, without the tension and gore, watch Fido.


*Photo from:

Published in: on December 6, 2010 at 8:48 am  Comments (1)  
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