I’m Hungry

I’ve thought a lot about who I’d want to eat first if I were a zombie. I think the people who’d taste the best would be people who I can’t stand. Sarah Palin. Glenn Beck. Michael Vick. Anne Coulter. I would start with the toes and work my way up, letting them watch as I slowly gnawed on their appendages. But who first?

Today, I found who I wanted to chew to death first. We’ll call her Tuesday, for C U Next Tuesday. If you don’t know what that means, Google it.

On November 7, my house caught fire and most of it was completely unsalvageable. Art, books, childhood treasures, my laptop, furniture… all gone. One of the books was a fiction textbook I rented at the beginning of the year. For $35, I could use the book for the semester and return it in late December. Well, it’s mid-December and I can’t return the book because it’s gone.

I just graduated. I don’t make a lot of money at my part-time job, and finding a full-time job is proving IMPOSSIBLE. I work in a school system, so I’m about to have a three-week-long, unpaid hiatus for holiday break. Long story short, I’m broke as hell and can’t pay $80+ for a replacement book.

I called the bookstore several times. I left a voicemail. No one ever picked up the phone and my voicemail went unreturned for a week. Today, after handing in my thesis, I went to the bookstore to see if there was something they could do to help me. The exchange went as follows:

Me: Can I please speak to someone in charge?
Tuesday: Regarding?
Me: (I explain my house, inability to replace the book)
T: Sheila: You gave a credit card when you rented the book, it’ll be charged to that.
Me: That’s my debit card, and I can’t afford that right now. Can someone work with me on this?
T: We rented you the book on the condition that you would return it.
Me: My house burned down.
T: We’ll charge it to your card.
Me: I need help, I can’t pay that right now. My house burned down. You can’t help me out?
T: We’ll charge it to your card.
Me: That’s f***ed up.

I leave

I haven’t been so pissed in a LONG time. I wanted to jump across the counter and go for the jugular. What is wrong with this lady? The bolded text above made me angriest. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have rented the book if my house was going to catch fire. I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW MY HOUSE WAS GOING TO BURN DOWN!

I would love to knock her down, render her incapacitated, and go to town. If only I was a zombie and could’ve done that. If only she wasn’t such an old C U Next Tuesday. Forget Palin, Beck, Coulter, and Vick… someone will get them out of the way for me. This one is #1 if I ever go zombie.

Is there anyone you can think of that you would want to eat first if you were a zombie? Tell who and why in the comments!

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Published in: on December 16, 2010 at 4:35 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Update: Will from the bookstore helped me out & comped the book. So sweet, so well-spoken. He’s really awesome!

  2. You’re lucky! I was going to suggest you go back and talk to her supervisor.


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